going nuts.. scared.. excited.. THRILLED!

so, it's been a LONG time since I have written anything. I am almost 110% that the only person who reads this blog is my MOM, and sometimes my twin brother. Anyone else, please comment so that I know what to edit, but to be totally honest, I have nothing to hide.
so.. hmm.. tomorrow I get to go to hospital orientation. I almost feel as if I am going to forget, not seriously, but my I just feel like everything is sureal at this moment. Could it be true? Mia, a nurse. Yes, the celebrations were great, fantastic, I still can't believe how many kudos I got. But, most importantly, it wasn't just me who finished this silly program (silly because I have heard how far behind we are compared to some other new grads.. not in theory, but in skills, atleast the skills can be practiced with repetition, but theory helps to critically think.. hence how we passed the boards) okay.. blah. anyway, I finally get to feel like I am contributing to the world, or shall we say, beginning a career.. joining the rest who go to work.. yes, I have had plenty of jobs. None of which I have taken as seriously as the one that got me here. My CCT job in Bone Marrow. I don't think that i have ever given my heart and soul to anything else, well, not the case, unfortunately, I have decided that yes, unfortunately I gave my heart and soul to relationships that ended up just taking so much energy, that should have been directed towards people who I would actually consider human beings. ( yes, direct reference to one..ugg.) more on that later, for some reason it's bugging me, a lot, more because I feel like it's left me jaded and defensive, and well, not able to trust that anyone won't just disappear. Even when it's a blessing in disguise, it still is frustrating. I can't blame it all on one person though, I should have known better.
ugg.. more later.. this keeps acting up!!!

home sweet home

so.. sorry for no more updates! the rest of our trip was great! scandanavia was as beautiful as i had always imagined.. endless countryside.. with water intermingled in every valley, which ofcourse had me hooked.. there is something so magical about the different shades of each lake, river, ocean, and waterfall.. how they glisten from the endless sunlight of the midnight sun.. which, is so cool, i mean really, think of how many things you can do all day long when it never gets dark! You can go explore with a smaller sense of urgency towards reaching a certain point before dark.. you can run and not get stuck on a random road with no street lights (not that there isnt some fun in that).. okay, so here i go rambling..
anyway...scandanavians were friendly and beautiful! happily riding their bicycles.. something i will begin to do soon! all driving volvo station wagons ofcourse.. and enjoying the fact that the sun is actually shining! we did meet some nice swedes in galma stan.. where we ended up at a locals bar, they all kept saying, "why arent you in the clubs in stolkholm".. we said that this place was much more our speed, and we thought it was pretty cool.. i guess we were just excited that people thought we were from sweden and playing around when we said that we were americans!
so, yes, my family is from a beautiful place..!! i met a radiologist on the train.. he said that nurses are very happy there.. i said.. hmmm... we'll see!
norway.. i definitely would love to go back and do some hiking there.. riding the cruise through the fjords was amazing.. i cant help but wonder what the view would be like from the tiny mountain tops that we were gazing at from the water! every where i turned there were waterfalls, so powerful, so beautiful, and they each had their own path, just like all of us who were looking at them... okay, enough poetry! i guess being away and see how small i am in this great big world filled with interesting people made me think of my path, and everyone's surrounding it!
we did stop and see this amazing waterfall.. wow.. what a rush, i mean the kind of runners high rush.. that my lazy self has not had in way too long! it's the kind of energy that runs through you when you feel the mist on your face! in that moment, nothing matters at all.. i try to bottle those moments! the truth is, you can have those moments anywhere, yes, all of my favorite environments in one.. snow, waterfalls, mountains.. they do help enhance the scenery, but those moments, or little epihanies can happen anywhere..if you let them! i mean really, every experience is worthy of being thought about or just savored, good and bad! i do believe that each one makes us who we are!
whoah.. i am babbling AGAIN!
so, back to our trip.... still thinking about the mist on the waterfall..
we got to denmark and found the only steamboat in town, after spending the morning stressing about where to go and what to wear, we decided that if we were going on a river cruise that we would put on a sundress.. well, everyone was wearing jeans and shorts, let's not forget the matching neck ties worn by the bride and groom to be..
so, what a great day! and a relief when we saw tim and maiken drive up, knowing that we were at the right party! the danish side of the family introduced themselves to us as they came on the boat.. so friendly and welcoming!
and then there were the random americans, some who we knew, or heard about.. and then the .."how did you get here".. stories happened, and the wow, you guys carried dresses and heels in your packs!
so.. we cruised on the only river in denmark, with fun conversing and new sites to see. i picked out about 10 dream houses for myself.. !! we stopped on a bank for a champagne toast.. and traditional danish cake.. then back on the boat.. oh, how i love boats!!!..
later we went to maiken's family village.. where we had a BBQ, and made smores around the camp fire, and watched the sunset while playing, or falling over after way too much wine with dinner, and viking games with insanely blonde children..
i climbed a water tower to see the full view..of course not bringing my camera up to take a picture.. speaking of blonde!...
so... we all couldnt have been happier, what a cool bunch of people! and fun way to celebrate! who knows if i will ever be blessed enough to get married.. but if so, i want .. or would like to maybe have.. my wedding shower or rehearsal as a BBQ.. with a softball game.. music, co-ed .. i want my significant other to open our gifts together!! i mean, we should have picked out the registry together.. i'm cool with opening a grill set, or lawn mower! ....
so the wedding the next day was just wonderful, the ceremony, most of which we couldnt understand was magestic..
yes, i say magestic, one the words in which i was challenged to use in a speech, along with birds of a feather flock together, and mythological, and a few other cheesy coined terms that i had stated.. oh, a dynamic duo... yes, at danish weddings, you sit and during your meal you have speeches, where the toast master can approve anyone who wants to to make a speech, well, since i love public speaking, which is wierd, because i am very shy .. my table.. the totally american (with some german and swiss influence this night).. gals elected me to speak for them..
fortunately for them, i couldnt stop laughing prior to the finishing touches, and actually had to leave and take a breather.. now that is a sure sign that we were having a fantastic time.. i havent had a mia laughing fit in way too long!
the speeches all could have won awards, all unique, sincere, and well, perfect. who knows if it was just the setting, or just love!
we then witnessed some very interesting cultural traditions.. viking type games that the bride and groom had to compete in.. one of which they actually took off tims shoes and cut the toe portion of his socks off and then lifted him up.. what???... then another they had to compete in spitting.. gross! i hate spitting and burping.. just dont like it.. major pet peave..
so, the band came.. besides the fact that they were oh so hot, (chrissy and i approached them flat out. only to find that there was one single one left.. .. what lucky wives..whoah..)..
so, they played all great tunes, all acoustic.. and wow- awesome.. so we danced the night away, with random star gazing dreamy moments, and appreciated all of what this multicultural experience had to offer!
we got back on the bus to the hostel.. and were off to london in the am...
we did london in a nutshell.. in the pouring rain.. then i began my journey home..
beginning with a nice moroccan cab driver in london, then bus to the airport, then to dublin, then to jfk.. then to grand central station.. to penn station.. to morristown.. to randolph.. to..
so here i am.. back to reality.. but i missed home... i missed all of the people that are here, i missed my family.. and i am so lucky to have had such an opportunity.. i have had cranky bouts lately! yuck, they are done.. what a waste of days that can be filled with new memories!
so, time to grow up now.. pass these boards.. working.. learning.. having fun! because life is amazing.. to be savored, and not annoyed at...
man am i the luckiest girl in the world! it's true.. so, yes, we are all entitled to be cranky sometimes.. it makes those sweet moments less sour, and my true self come out..
so... i wanted to be on the farm for the fourth of july, but some bugs took me over, and that stunk... i needed to stay put for a little.. so to the farm next week, where hannah and luky pants will be there!!!!!!! ahhhhhhh.. okay, i need to control myself, i am at the library.. but really, i cant wait to see them!
i always loved the fourth of july, i mean, well, aj always freaked me out with fireworks, i remember running away from them so fast that i tripped over a stump and busted my face open.. my grandma made me jump in the lake to wash it out, and didnt wait to send me home like that! the day before i got thrown off the jet ski and got hit in the head.. i guess that explains a lot!
so, the fourth is sacred in my family.. or at least having american pride.. i was at barnes and noble studying, and was wishing that i was around a bon fire on the farm, out in the middle of no where, no that is freedom! i listened to "proud to be an american" because i am so cheesy.. and remember that aj has that cd, ofcourse i called him and we made fun of each other for it! but, well, we all shouldnt need the fourth of july to celebrate what is good..(it is nice for people to have a day off!!) but we can say that about so many holidays, maybe that is why i am not a huge holiday fan! i just want my own house, small, so that i can entertain holidays, and make them as low key or dressed up as possible! i want to spend july fourth in the garden, and sit by my campfire at night! (that is a random rant of frustration that i have been thinking about) i try to have no expectations, and therefore, no disappointments, but i must say that i was lonely last night! its funny, i just cant connect with some people that i would really like to lately! i blame myself for acting wierd, but who doesnt have an off day! so, i'll just focus on boards, that's number one, and that requires my most confident and motivated self!
so... this has been soo long! and time to study..
mommy, i think you are the only person who reads this.. so i am sure that it is time to take care of our furry friends who i cant wait to see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oxoxox
smiles and cheers!!

eingeschlagen!!!!!

so.. where did leave off, paris.. well, yes, that was beautiful, great architecture.. etc.. but next was my favorite place so far.. zurich, where we stayed in the KISS room at the zic zack rock hostel.. hhaha.. anyway, i cannot wait to go back there and jump in that glorious lake!! I am a sucker for good looking swiss men and any type of water, especially when there are mountains in the background..so after a day of feeling like fancy people we got on a train to go to germany!! we hopped on a train to the beautiful alp foothills to see how disney modeled their castles.. the real deal.. so we got up to it and the largest thunder and lightening storm came over us, which ofcourse i loved, but we did get soaked..
anyway.. we made it out alive.. even though i think jenny was totally doubtful that we werent going to become fried monuments on the path up the hill!!
then we went to a beer garden.. where jenny got hit on by a 70 year old man, who could not even complete his german greeting!1.. we did eat sausages and pretzels though..
so.. skipping to today.. we decided to go to a concentration camp.. why not.. well, the reason why the only train there wasnt working.. was.. well, we were told by the train guide that they were excavating a land mine.. the best part was that he acted it out for us.. digging, told us about a bomb.. i suggested mine.. almost joking.. was he for real..he certainly was.. so needless to say.. we did not make it there and chose another path of history.. i must say though, the cute soldier at check point charlie was worth the change in plans, especially when he told jenny to put her purse on her other shoulder so that he could put his arm around her!!
this balances out the depressing stories that we heard here!!
i am so american.. but i cant believe that we are going to sweden tomorrow.. and jenny thinks that i have taken a ton of pictures.. watch out!!
OXOXOX

i saw the mona lisa!

yes.. when you're in paris.. you must see the mona lisa.. well, it's very anticlimactic.. and yes, it looks like she is staring at you, and it's very dark, and wierd that she is so famous, but i guess the mystery of her makes her stay so popular! that museum is so beautiful.. even the building alone.. you can get lost in there forever! jenny was a great tour guide ofcourse! using her academic knowledge.. and interpreting the french that i couldn't get!.. so, we had a great time on the metro people watching as well! no naked bikers today..
but, unfortunately, we witnessed a little boy get hit by a car on jenny's street! ahh.. it was so scary.. he was conscious, but the worst part was that the father, picked up his child and started to yell and punch the driver.. dropping his child on the ground!!! what a scene! we made sure that the ambulances came.. but oh my goodness.. so frustrating to see!
we had a great meal at a little cafe.. listening to all of the french conversation around us! now a nice quiet night that we decided would be a good idea.. before the white stripes concert and sight seeing tomorrow!
oxoxoxox

mice, naked bike riders.. notre dame!

yes.. the title is true to itself! so, today jenny was a fabulous walking tour guide of paris! we did most of the city on foot.. stopping at the tour de eiffel.. what an engineering marvel.. then we ventrued on to see almost the entire city.. we viewed the arc de triomphe.. what a crazy site to see from above.. all of the little people in the city.. shopping.. walking.. what perspective.. we are all such tiny little things in this crazy world! the architecture here is absolutely breath taking.. golden gates.. gardens.. we ate lunch at a little cafe on the champs elysees.. and saw so many of the high fashion stores.. pretty people... and art! so, as we were crossing the famous pont neuf.... all of a sudden an invasion of naked protesting bikers surrounded us.. what a site to see .... so the pride protests here as well! .. one minute we're in a see of nakedness.. the next in the beautiful notre dame! stain glass windows that take your breath away..
after walking along the river.. we came home to see some mice in poor jenny's apartment!!! another awesome day in paris.. i think we should see what it's like to adopt a cat tomorrow!

laissez le bon temps roulent!!

jenny and i are settled in paris.. after almost not getting to her apartment, unable to find the correct metro as well as being unable to get a taxi.. but here we are.. jenny is awesome! we met her landlord and she just rattled off her francais as if it was her native language! we immediately told her landlord, also named michelle, that i was not as french savy as jenny was! we were already insulted by the immigrants at the market, who made fun of us for not weighing a pepper, along with the chinese grocery lady who instructed us on how to bag groceries.. we did get a few $2 bottles of vino and the best cheese in the entire world! all of which we are dining on while gazing at the eiffel tower that is a quick head turn to the right on jenny's balcony!! we are getting jenny settled and happy here.. even though we do miss the good looking and friendly people in dublin~! i ventured to the store on my own, which was funny.. at least it was closed so i didn't have to speak! .. oh the adventures of high fashion paris! i am in total shock.. but let me tell you that as much as they are critisizing our actions or lack of correct terminology, we are currently dancing around the apartment to american hits of the early 90s..they are obsessed with sting mommy!so funny.. a little dabble of pink floyd and .. some crazy z100 top hits!! !!.. hehe.. okay, time for more wine..we're creating a picture album on shutterfly for viewing pleasures!!.... but i have already seen the crazy french markets.. silly little dogs...too much chest hair showing.. fanny packs.. canadian tuxedos.. aka.. demin jacket with stone washed jeans.. not to fret, tomorrow i will be historically and culurally educated with all of the famous sites.. but for now, we are recovering from our 245 am wake up and transition to the french styles of 07.

48 hours in dublin!

so... jenny and made i to the airport.. after a fun trek through dublin in the wee hours!! ireland was great... not as many red heads as i was expecting, but many beautiful, friendly.. and yes, drunk people, who were entertaining to say the least.. we did the city by foot.. every where you turn there is a piece of history, and a pub to match.. each corner was more colorful and cuter than the next.. we hit up temple bar.. met some nice irish folks, partied and then toured the pretty countryside yesterday.. now, off to paris.. and funny highlights will come later.. it's 515 am and miss mia did not sleep last night.. in anticipation of the major french culture shock! i think as long as i don't open my mouth and try to speak the few words of french i salvaged from high school, i'll be fine!!
oxoxo

downsizing!

okay.. so my first leg on the train to hoboken was fun.. caught up with my great nursing buddy RJ!! we have plans to fish on her dad's boat when I get back!!.. i decided i could validate talking on the phone since there were one hundred other people doing the same thing.. along with nutty kids running up and down! so.. we talked about how nieve we are.. and i'm supposed to grow up a little on this trip.. so we'll assess when i return in one piece!
jenny and i spent the last hour downsizing.. i did not that many pairs of shoes and clothes.. seriously.. so our bags now are suited to the weight limit that an annoying airline is impossing.. but we can be creative, it's kind of annoyingly fun!
okay.. love to all...
cheers
oxoxo

overcome with excitement

yes, i am psyched.. i pretty much get excited about a cup of good coffee, or just a nice conversation, or a simple text message from someone you're crushing over- means that jenny is going to be annoyed by my excitement of just plain people watching at the airport- i love playing a game, wondering why they are going where they are going, why they chose that seat to sit in, etc.. so..
people say that you are never the same after going to another country, as if it changes you.. am i supposed to think about who i am tonight, write it down, and see if i can still relate when i get back.. that is just way to serious i guess.. my hopes are for me to realize just how special the world is, to learn more about other places, and myself ofcourse... or maybe i'll see that i am such a tiny, miniscule piece of this world, and want to contribute more, to give rather than to take!
i guess i'll have to see when i return, or when i am there.. or not at all!
no need for heaviness.. just a little perspective, with a possibility for self introspection, and some gosh darn fun!
rainy night, for some reason, i'm really into this yankee game tonight- the yanks are one strike away from taking the series.. the "rubber" game.. okay, I kinda just hope they win for all of their fans..!.. and low and behold, they WON!
goodnight!
shout out to mattie, who just put in my mom's new toilet.. !!!! talk about being happy!

next stop.. Goteborg!

so, when i was in high school, my mom always told me to read the op-ed section of the NYtimes so that i would fare better on the SATs.. well, I should have listened.. my mom always says that she is lucky to be married to the only carpenter who reads the times from cover to cover.. haha. I am kind of the blonde of the family, who secretly loves the times.. I have been trained to bring the times and starbucks to my mom whenever i visit.. but i sneak all the headlines before i hand it over.. and anyway.. the point is that i glanced at the travel section today, and what do you know.. a swedish city that jenny and i are traveling to was profiled, i'm not one for signs, etc.. i mean, i appreciate the sun rising through a cloudy day, and love a beautiful rainbow.. but don't really relate them to a certain moment, or a make it an association that this was meant to be.. i just enjoy them for what they are, and hope that the sun keeps shining!!
so.. to the point.. Goteborg was founded by King Adolf in 1621, and was built in part to get the Danes off of the west coast of Sweden.... Dutch architects were hired to build and given incentive to stay.. then came the East India co., followed by the an influx of Scots, and British.. okay, so treasures washed ashore.. but the cool part is that the article says that if you are Swedish-American, it is a good chance that your ancestors spent their last night in Sweden there! This was a massive departure point for the half million Swedes that headed to America!!!
okay.. yes, excuse the rambling, but i have a little bit of the family history bug-
other than that, there is supposed to be a lot of neat art and apsiration in this city, which just makes me even more excited to experience! so.. yes.. I can't wait!!!!!!!!
cheers to our swedish Opa.

so much to be thankful for!

there has been so much going on in the past month i guess!
i should have been updating this, but shame on me, i guess i start chatting or get distracted, constantly think about what i'll write about, and then never get it down on here for mommy to read!
anyway... so here i am.. wow, i think that i'll start with graduation.. what an experience, one that would have in no way been the same without all of my awesome family and friends that made it special. Normally, I really would be the one to say, it's not a bid deal, but I can honestly say that i have never felt so loved and admired in my life. It felt like everything else just stopped. At pinning I sat there and looked behind me, the entire front row was filled from end to end with all of my parents, best friends, siblings, and even my best friends mom, each one of them believed in me when i didn't believe in myself, and needless to say, jenny told me that i had the biggest smile on my face in all of the auditorium, and i completely let myself smile and enjoy every minute. I didn't worry about what happened before that minute, or what was coming, just smiled, happy for every person in that room. We all had our moments, but this one was just great. I was so proud of everyone there, and hearing all those names just made me happy, lab partners, group projects, braniacs, annoying question askers, etc.. it did not matter, we all made it. my mom's blog actually sums it up better.. titled cleverly as.."what's a naturally blonde girl to do".. haha.. it makes my brother and i giggle and laugh, but oh how well your mom really does know you, it's almost scary, but just the way it should be!
so, thank you. everyone. mom, dad, aj... everyone.. it did mean the world to me that you were all there. each of you never stopped until you got what you wanted, why should i?
so, now what? over the past year and a half i have met so many new people, very, very interesting and special people, many of whom have made me realize that it's okay to just be myself, it's okay to let go, and most importantly, just to appreciate what you have, and to not let life's curve balls throw you off, but just to remind you of what you have to hold on to, or let in!
so, yes, i'm done with school.. well, have to pass those boards first, but i can't complain about them on here. but, next step... job.. yes, i went to graduation with a job, which validated all of the loans that i had taken out! but, as i have said before.. what was i going to do, just not go because i didn't want to have loans, fidn a job i may not have liked just to get by, pay the bills, go throught the motions? no way! that scares me. Boredom scares me.. loosing the spontaneity (sp?).. of what life has to offer, and wish that i had done something different.. no way. I just picked something that will pay off.
so, next stop.. europe! yes, jenny and i are leaving on tuesday afternoon! whoah, neither one of us can believe it! at work i didn't talk about it too much.. then i mentioned it and ofcourse got comments of excitement, and the less favorable ones of.."well, aren't you lucky.. or you have money to do that..".. the truth is, no, not really, but thanks to so many friends and families who are funding this trip, and most importantly, jenny brady, who will receive my first pay check! i am pulling this off.. and it will be fantastic. I'm going to see so many new things, and just relax.., totally out of the environment that i am used to.. talk about good people watching and site seeing!!! i feel so priveledged to go, and am happy i am letting myself go explore! it's part of my newly found zest for just being happy, not missing good opportunities that present themselves.
so, now i must finish my list of things to do before i go..
thank you notes, to all those people i didn't even realize were cheering me on, and packing lisa's pack.. so a part of her will be with me! and hanging out with some of the coolest people that i have met who have really enhanced my life recently. more on that subject later.!!
i do wish i could beam up to the farm before i go! but i'll have to wait until i am back and can tell my mom what the streets of sweden are really like!!!
lately, i have just discovered that seeing the same landscape with new eyes is a beautiful thing, so as much as europe will be amazing, i am so excited to come back to new jersey and begin a new adventure!
oxoxoox
smiles to all!

promise!

mommie.. i promise that i will write later.. i have so much to talk about!!
love you..

chilly morning

It's been a busy few days since I last wrote! Let's see... hmmm.. I left off on Thursday.. a long day, but good one..it started out frutstrating because I was trying to justify to my dad and step mom why I think Morristown is a good idea.. but I kind of am trusting my gut on this one.. then I saw this article in the NYTimes magazine.. talking about how great hospitals in the city are..ahhhh.... and then again i thought.. i don't have the job at MMH yet, just an interview, a first interview!
anyway- enough about that! Thursday night I went for an awesome run with my old running buddy/coworker brian- it was really fun to catch up and to actually go for a little run! I got some good nursing advice.. and a workout and good company! Hopefully we can go again this week! Jenny got our Eurorail pass for our trip! it was so expensive, but it covers trains, and discounts.. uggg.. it will be so worth it!
So, i've been intoxicated by the weather.. and was stuck inside friday at work, all of the girls were so cranky to be there- I just tried to have fun with it! I was happy to get paid, the boss wasn't there.. so I could check my email.. and be relaxed about whoever was looking over my shoulder! I did get a great idea from one of the nurses to start taking ballet again-- she takes a class one day a week, and loves it... we were practicing turns and such all afternoon when the docs were in with patients! I was saying how I used to dance on point and missed it! so, i came home to do my NYC ballet workout video and felt refreshed, and so thankful that my mom took me to dance all those years, making beautiful head pieces and costumes!
saturday I went to get a gift from kete's registry for the shower today.. her list was as tall as i am, that's not saying much, but according to the women at macy's ..it was long! then i actually had a date- well, the date came with me to the mall.. haha, and then we hung out for the afternoon, and that's all I am going to say about it.. haha (yes, mommy I know that you're reading this :-)), and it was very fun! But I'm definitely weary about things, or just don't get my hopes up right away- I'm frustrated with recent disappearing acts, not the first one, the damn jerk. More the most recent one, I don't understand why people can't just say, "I don't think this is going to work".. or " this is just bad timing".. or .."I just am not feeling it".. becasue either way I always feel like it's my fault, and am just curious as to what is so hard in this day and age, to not say anything.
ugg... despite that, saturday was very fun! so, we'll see..
time to go back to sleep or study nclex! I am getting insanely nervous about boards! which i very well should be!!!
smiles

new car... haha

so, yesterday and today have been promising.. yesterday i got an interview at morristown, today at hackensak medical center.. ofcourse last night i convinced myself that morristown was the best choice. despite the less pay, their new grad hire and learn program is just right for me, and would pay off in the future.. my friend cris and i were reminding ourselves of what were looking for in our first jobs.. good training, education, and opportunities to pursue certifications.. it sounds like an advertisement, but with nursing, i at least feel that a good foundation is key! seriously, these are sick people that i am responsible for!!
my long walk this morning again made me think about it.. definitely the smart choice that will be most beneficial. ( then again, i haven't gone on this interview.. as i sit here and act as if i already got the job!).. silly me.
by the way, i am watching dances with wolves- i forgot what a good movie this was! makes me want to sit around a camp fire tonight, away from things running through my mind about jobs, money, pay, training, boards.. all things i am so thankful for- but a few good laughs would be a nice trade!
for the new car- i feel like i just got one! mattie and i met, he replaced my head light, windshield wipers, and even fixed my driver side door! (all in 20 minutes or less! while listening to me babble away about everything!!)..no more climbing in from the other way.. comical and no problem for the past few weeks, but hey, if it's fixable!! he also took this piece of furniture that i was given, or i saved from the trash because it was so brand new, i couldn't bear see it thrown away.. but the controllers in the household decided that there was no room in here, and that storing it in my car was the best spot.. haha.. whatever. it is now on its way to the tractor shed on the farm :-) until it finds a new home!..
my next topic will be this whole people just disappearing thing.

early birds

Favorite music.. lately.. nature! I must say that the rumble of the thunderstorm last night was fantastic. I love a good storm, so great to fall asleep to.. except I didn't want to miss any of it! It reminds me of summer... My favorite storm was camping in VT when my parents and daisy came ot visit me up there, we slept under the starts next to lake champlain, it was picture perfect. I know that once the sky opens up everyone runs in a panic, but don't you just want to stand there sometimes and feel the rain on your face... I know, if you're dressed to impress, it may not always be appropriate, but at the right time, when the storm sneaks up on you.. it's so refreshing.. and invigorating, just like endless sunshine can be..

Right now the birds are chriping like crazy.. a nice contrast to thunder, almost like saying, good morning, I make it through the storm! ( wow.. mommy if you're reading this, the farm girl in me is coming out today!)

so, it's time for my am activities that i have planned and are already behind on, nclex questions, pilates, walk.. then work- so i must cut myself off. looking forward to seeing my farmer mattie later, man, as silly as this sounds.. he is just so cool.

smiles

okay..

so, i was convinced to start writing online so that i could keep track of this big adventure that i have been invited to go on.. yes.. an amazing trip that i don't even think i'll be able to believe is real until we are there! it's funny that i don't write on here more often, i mean really.. this will probably only capture 1/4 of what goes on in my big swedish head..

first though.. today i found out that something that happened last spring on my mom's last farm has been named one of the cruelest acts against animals ever!! check this out...http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-a1_3animal.5815416apr24,0,588640.story?coll=all-news-hed... nuts.. its a sad thing that we don't talk about too much anymore.. i hate to think that anyone thinks that this is alright.. i remember farm sitting and going down to the field every hour to check on the new babies that were born after this happened..scared out of my mind that these losers would return...

anyway.. my trip.. or "our" trip- jenny and i are going to dublin, paris, zurich, munich, berlin, sweden, norway, copenhagen, london.. wow.. i am bursting with excitement.. it sounds nuts, but choosing with no more regrets and the convincing of miss jenny.. the slow process of taking nursing boards in this state.. and.. well, just my desire to see more, and get out there to explore more of the beautiful world has validated this! ( i seriously was just so happy to hang out and help on the farm, or find an empty beach..but)

sleeping on trains, beautiful countryside.. waterfalls.. new faces.. museums.. culture.. the midnight sun.. living out of my backpack... ahhhh...... it's amazing how doing this trip in a cheaper fashion has added on a few countries... (maybe they need new nurses in sweden..hmm..)anyone want to join us!??!!

i know myself.. once i start working, i will devote so much of me to nursing, its so important to me to be a good nurse, it's something i have wanted for so long.. i think that i am so lucky to have such an opportunity.. and i can't believe that it's here.. one of the reasons why i chose nursing was because you can do it anywhere.. you can travel all over, and explore.. to do this while helping out the shortage, and patients.. well, what could be better, a career where every day is different, challenging, and in high demand.. but my career can't be everything, so first, it's time to start to unravel my feelings of being so cooped up lately!

much has been due to the necessities of projects, papers.. that i let get the best of me over the past month..
too much of me.. it's funny, everyone is saying let's go party.. drink.. and party i will, with my family who i never see.. and friends too...

all i have wanted to do is to be outside.. and get some fresh air! i started this with some great walks last weekend.. had numerous catches with my dad.. my random new activity..he gets such a kick out of it.. (because i throw like a girl.. ) and since saturday i have clocked 27 miles of walking.. yes, walking... i keep thinking, get in gear mia.. you should be running these miles for a cause or something! i guess i miss running with my daisy a lot.. she used to drag me every day!! .... now if i could only kidnap holly from the farm..

don't get me wrong, actually celebrating with everyone is fantastic, and sad, so much i will miss.. but i'm ready for a new challenge, and hopefully will finally start acting like myself again! i feel like i have been so closed off.. for a few reasons, but those are behind me now, thankfully...

I feel like every time i have met someone new, i have acted so wierd.. shy, almost coming off as immature and just flakey..( my friends say.. don't act like shy mia..) i think i have been way too obsessed with insecurities and such.. but why let that get the best of me? its crazy how feelings get manifested sometimes! i find myself reflecting saying.. mia.. ugg.. or.. i wish that had happened on a different day, week.. etc.. i am constantly blaming myself for all that doesn't work out.. something i must work on before i start working... people sometimes would ask me why i looked so busy at clinicals.. well, i was trying to get to know my patient as a whole.. talking.. fully assessing.. taking advantage of the experience.. why can't i be that real with new people i meet outside of there!! i am beginning to let my guard down.. just a little slow for now

so when i started typing tonight i was just going to write about something very silly that happened today.. i guess i never shut up..

time to sleep.. tomorrow is our last day of nclex review, so official last day of school.. this has been my full time job, with 73 others for the past 15 months.. they said they owned us on the first day, definitely true, but now we're free.

thankfully i don't think anyone will read this, so mia babbles on with way too much punctuation as usual!!

smiles..