going nuts.. scared.. excited.. THRILLED!

so, it's been a LONG time since I have written anything. I am almost 110% that the only person who reads this blog is my MOM, and sometimes my twin brother. Anyone else, please comment so that I know what to edit, but to be totally honest, I have nothing to hide.
so.. hmm.. tomorrow I get to go to hospital orientation. I almost feel as if I am going to forget, not seriously, but my I just feel like everything is sureal at this moment. Could it be true? Mia, a nurse. Yes, the celebrations were great, fantastic, I still can't believe how many kudos I got. But, most importantly, it wasn't just me who finished this silly program (silly because I have heard how far behind we are compared to some other new grads.. not in theory, but in skills, atleast the skills can be practiced with repetition, but theory helps to critically think.. hence how we passed the boards) okay.. blah. anyway, I finally get to feel like I am contributing to the world, or shall we say, beginning a career.. joining the rest who go to work.. yes, I have had plenty of jobs. None of which I have taken as seriously as the one that got me here. My CCT job in Bone Marrow. I don't think that i have ever given my heart and soul to anything else, well, not the case, unfortunately, I have decided that yes, unfortunately I gave my heart and soul to relationships that ended up just taking so much energy, that should have been directed towards people who I would actually consider human beings. ( yes, direct reference to one..ugg.) more on that later, for some reason it's bugging me, a lot, more because I feel like it's left me jaded and defensive, and well, not able to trust that anyone won't just disappear. Even when it's a blessing in disguise, it still is frustrating. I can't blame it all on one person though, I should have known better.
ugg.. more later.. this keeps acting up!!!